New Year's Resolutions

My chosen picture really doesn't have anything to do with the topic of this post but I like to add a picture for interest's sake.  Mind you, I could talk about how this fall I have felt like hibernating and introverting and going inwards.  And after every hibernation or introspection comes a period of awakening or extroversion.  I'd like to think that I am entering that phase.  We will see.  Also, everytime January 1st rolls around, I find myself making resolutions.  I make many resolutions.  I say to myself that this is the year that I am going to lose weight, quit smoking, pay closer attention to my finances, do the nice things that I have an initial impulse for, etc, etc, etc.  I rarely make the progress that I hope to.  And this year I find myself saying the same things again but this time I really really mean it.  But seriously!  I do hope to accomplish the things I set out for myself but I realize, as they say in AA, "Progress not perfection."  The beginning of the year highlights a chance for a fresh start and renewed enthusiasm.  In the fall we are finishing up with things.  We get ready for the winter and cold weather.  By January, winter is well on the way.  We have passed the Winter Solstice and the days are once again getting longer.  Eventually spring will arrive and those new beginnings we dream about in January actually begin to come to fruition.  That is the ideal.

          "If there is not wind, row."  - Latin Proverb

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."  - Milton Berle

"Things come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle."  - Abraham Lincoln

One of the concepts that I am going to work on in 2011 is the idea that I must aggressively go after what I want.  Of course the challenge is to define what I want.  Another idea that I want to explore is that life is a process.  We never "arrive".  Everything is in constant flux.  Life is a flow.  It is a river, ever changing, ever moving.  This removes the idea that I can be happy when I complete my yoga training or I can be happy when I have plenty of money in the bank.  The point is that to become a yoga teacher, I must go through many steps and the challenge becomes to enjoy the process.  Plan for the future but live in the present.  Be mindful of the present moment.  One day at a time.  So my aim each day from this day forward is to look at my day, say this is what I have to do today and then enjoy the day as best I can.  And that is my wish for all of you.

Living with Bipolar Disorder

I was checking out Carrie Fisher's book Wishful Drinking.  I do want to buy the book but I did read the author's note at the back.  It is always nice to hear from someone who has been there.  I feel less crazy and abnormal when I see that someone else knows what I have been through.  Here is what she said:

"One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder.  In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls.  Not unlike a tour of duty in Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside).  At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage.  So if you're living with this illness and functioning at all, it's something to be proud of, not ashamed of.

     They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medications one has to ingest."

Now those paragraphs say it all.  There is not too much I can add to that except to say I know exactly where she is coming from.  That being said, it is worth every effort to get well and participate in life.  I think I have developed a certain appreciation for life that I wouldn't have if not for the bipolar disorder.  There are moments in my life that I am so happy and grateful to be here and perhaps I wouldn't know that pleasure if there hadn't been times when I wanted to make a grand exit.  I think anybody who has ever struggled with any type of illness or disability might know what I mean.  I certainly don't hold the monopoly on suffering.

Being Honest With Ourselves

Being Honest with Ourselves

Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain.  The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships.

When we can tell ourselves how we feel and accept our feelings, we can tell others.

When we can accept what we want and need, we will be ready to have our wants and needs met.

When we can accept what we think and believe, and accept what is important to us, we can relay this to others.

When we learn to take ourselves seriously, others will too.

When we learn to chuckle at ourselves, we will be ready to laugh with others.

When we have learned to trust ourselves, we will be trustworthy and ready to trust.

When we can be grateful for who we are, we will have achieved self-love.

When we have achieved self-love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love.

When we've learned to stand on our own two feet, we're ready to stand next to someone.

I don't remember where I got this statement but it is something that resonates with me.  It is easy to feel guilty for taking time for yourself but this outlines the importance for doing so.  When we take care of ourselves, we have something to share with others.  Also, by taking care of ourselves, we are able to stand on our own two feet and contribute to maximum benefit.  What was especially meaningful to me was "When we can accept what we think and believe, and accept what is important to us, we can relay this to others."  This is important to me because I am often shy and don't share when I think that I will be ridiculed.  But that self-censorship denies who I am and ultimately is not healthy.  Also, we have to accept ourselves before we can expect anyone else to accept us.  It is an ongoing process for me but I love self-exploration.  Now I don't feel guilty about it.